My forever man refuses to get married

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 years old and I have two daughters and one son. Their father and I are not married, but we were living together in his parents’ house. This man said he did not believe in marriage. He is more like a Rasta. He said God said a man should take a woman and call her his wife. It is unnecessary for me to argue with him. I am glad that he supported his children. He ensured that they went to school and they all had lunch money.   

Some of my friends told me how they admired us. He took his son everywhere with him, and the boy has turned out to be a very good businessman. His two daughters are now teachers. It doesn’t look as if he will ever marry me. I go to church with my children, and most people at the church think that I am married. Even the pastor calls me Mrs so and so. I try to tell my children not to follow in their father’s footsteps; not to live with any man unless that man is prepared to marry them. 

I asked him what is going to happen to me because I have been a stay-at-home mom. He said I don’t have to worry as the house will be mine if he passes. His father has already given him the house. 

When he holds on to something, nobody can get him to change. This man has never put his hands on me. We don’t fight or curse each other. He even gives me money to put into the offering, but he has not offered to marry me.  

I am longing to get married. What can I do?

Anonymous

Dear Writer,

You have been living with this man for many years, so you are considered married under our Jamaican law. It is indeed regrettable that this man with whom you are living does not agree to have you stand before a marriage officer and to say his vows. What I would suggest that you do is discuss your situation with a lawyer and he/ she would tell you what your rights are. 

You need to have peace of mind, and I am sure you have put a lot of work into the house, which you claimed was given to your children’s father by his father. 

Pastor