My dad’s wife is jealous of how he treats me

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and this is my first letter to you. I left Jamaica when I was 13 years old. I was living with my aunt and my mother.

My father went to the United States of America (USA) before I was born. He said he would come back to Jamaica and marry my mother, but when he went to the USA, he fell in love with another woman and married her instead. My mother couldn't get over it; there was not a day that she did not cry.

While growing up, I used to talk to my father regularly and he sent money to my mother to take care of me. I remember the first time my mother introduced me to a man. She told me that he was going to be my stepfather. I told her that I did not want a stepfather because I already have a father. She said he would take the place of my father because my father is no longer in Jamaica and she didn't know when he was coming back. I started to cry. The man she introduced as my stepfather told her to leave me alone, and that I would get over it. But I never did.

My grandmother started to allow me to sleep with her. I used to sleep with my mother, but her new man started to stay at the house and she was sleeping with him. This man used to pay the bills for the house. When my father found out that my mother had a new man, he stopped sending her money to help her pay the rent. He only sent money to support me. He asked my aunt to try and get me a visa and take me to the USA with her; that is how I left Jamaica.

But my father's wife did not like me. She said that my father was giving me more attention than what she was getting as his wife. So I went to live with my aunt who was living in the USA also. I started attending school and my father paid my aunt to board me. The man my mother used to live with started to ill-treat her, so they broke up. I was fortunate to finish high school and attend college. I am now living with my father again and helping him. He is a construction worker. He is married and has two more children.

I am dating, but I am not interested in getting married right now. I am planning to do my post graduate work. My mother is always asking me to send her money, but I am not yet able to do so. My mother is very lazy and she can find a job if she wants to.

Y.W.

Dear Y.W.,

I am sure that your father would admit that he has made mistakes, but I am glad to know that although he did not return to Jamaica and marry your mother, he did his best in supporting you.

Perhaps when you were taken to America as a child, your father paid more attention to you than to his wife and she became very jealous. That is not something that is unusual. That happens all the time. However, I am glad that you got through high school and college and you are now working. Whenever it is possible, please send some money to your mother. Don't punish her for any reason at all.

I wish you the very best.

Pastor