Mother doesn’t like my fiancée

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I need your advice. I am 27 and I am about to get married.

I spoke to my father and he said that he would assist me. My mother is telling me that at 27, I am not ready to get married because I do not have a home of my own. My fiancee is 28 and she is in a good job. I am also in a good job, but she earns more than I do. We are both Christians and we love each other.

My parents had a big argument over my plan to get married. Finally, one day when my mother was not around, my father told me that the main reason she does not want me to get married is because she does not like my fiancee. She doesn't like her because she has two children and I would have to become a father to them, and that would be like putting myself under a heavy burden as a young man. My mother thinks it would be better for me to find a girl who does not have children.

As I said, my fiancee makes more money than I do, but even if she didn't, I would still love her and I could see myself as a father to these children. Their biological father broke up with my fiancee four years ago. He is not in her life. He is now with another woman. According to her, he sends her money for the children sometimes, but he does not do so regularly. I know that my fiancee and her babyfather are not together. Apart from talking about the children, they are not in a relationship. I know I am not making a mistake by marrying this woman because I had a previous girlfriend who my mother loved, but that girl was unfaithful to me. She even had sex with a friend of mine and this guy and I had a big fight over it. He told others what they did and where they did it. She tried to get back in my life but I rejected her.

I did not tell my mother that my father told me the real reason why she does not want me to marry my fiancee. But our wedding is being planned for April. Now that I know for sure that my mother does not like my fiancee, I am wondering whether we should invite her to our wedding. My fiancee said that she should be invited and it would be left to her to attend or not. I do not want anybody to embarrass my wife on that day. I would like your opinion.

My fiancee and I get along very well. What do you have to say about this problem that I am writing to you about? Please for your advice.

B.T.

Dear B.T.,

Your mother is behaving as if she is a saint. There is no perfect person on Earth.

Your fiancee has made mistakes. Your father knows that your mother has also made mistakes. Your father is not holding anything against your fiancee. He has accepted the fact that she had a relationship that produced two children. But the relationship has ended. Your father also knows that he and your mother should not choose for you. You believe that you are in love with this young woman and she is in love with you. You may object to what your mother says and pursue the woman you love.

Your father has been encouraging you to marry the young woman, and you ought to follow your heart. As to whether you should invite your mother to your wedding, do so. Invite your mother regardless of her opinion. She is your mother, so show some respect to her. If she does not want to attend the wedding, it would be up to her, but invite her. Ask your father to caution her not to try and do anything that would spoil your wedding day.

I wish you well. Make sure that this young woman and you go to premarital counselling.

Pastor