Going crazy without my husband at home

Dear Pastor,

I am in my early 40s. I am married, but presently my husband is not in Jamaica, so I am alone.

I have two sisters who are married and live in rural Jamaica. I don't get along with my husband's relatives. We don't talk very much because I know that they do not like me. My husband and I talk at least twice per day. He is worried about me, but I tell him not to worry. I really miss him. As soon as I am able, I will spend a weekend with him. That would help me more than it would help him. Sometimes I get headaches when I think about him. I miss this man so much.

I have friends, but I don't trust them. Some years ago, a girlfriend betrayed me, so since then, I haven't put my trust in women friends. As you can imagine, I do not have children. My husband has one son who lives with his mother. I call her occasionally to find out how he is doing. Our conversation is always short because I do not believe that she likes me much.

You may think that I am crazy, but whenever I cook, I set the table for two, although my husband is not here with me. I only cook twice per week and I don't eat much. I buy fast food if I can't do better. My husband tells me that it is only in my mind why I feel that his relatives don't like me, but he does not deny that his siblings and parents have never loved me. He cannot force me to love them. Whenever they see me, they pretend to be very nice, but they say unkind things about me behind my back.

My husband is a very friendly person and that is why I don't want any of the girls who work with me to get too close to him. As I said, I don't trust them. From what I have said, do you believe something is wrong with me? Please do not hold back; tell me what you think about me.

L.S.

Dear L.S.,

Some people are not very friendly, and evidently, you are not. I believe what the Bible says.

It says that if a person wants to have friends, the person should make themselves be friendly. If you are a loner, and by that I mean a person who doesn't care to have friends, that does not mean that something is wrong with you. However, that means that you need to examine yourself and find out why.

Even Jesus Christ, while he was on earth, had friends. He chose 12 disciples, but apart from them, he had other friends like Lazarus, Mary and Martha. I could see Jesus going to their homes and taking off his sandals and relaxing, while one of the sisters served him drinks and cookies. Yes, Jesus learnt to socialise and that is a good thing to do, especially these days. Perhaps you should learn to bake some pudding or cookies and knock on the doors of your neighbours and give to them. Be friendly.

If you attend church, befriend the older women if you do not trust the younger ones. I know you are trying to protect your marriage because you feel that other women may be after your husband. But if he doesn't flirt with women or show interest in them, if they try to push themselves on him, you need not be worried.

I hope your husband will return to you very soon. Until then, develop an interest into something that would occupy your time. There are institutions that you can offer to assist. You are in your early 40s and the time may come when you are going to need help, so you need to consider that. Learn to be friendly. You are not going to be able to be up and about every day of your life, so befriend others and they will remember you in your time of need.

Pastor